“They seek him here/they seek him there/those Frenchies seek him everywhere/Is he in heaven?/Or is he in hell?/The demn’d elusive Pimpernel”
The Scarlet Pimpernel – Baroness Emma Orczy

The arrival of The Special One in London this week on a not so secret visit has sparked a frenzy of speculation amongst the media, who are linking him with not only every post at the top end of English club management but also the national team job.  We at The Chels aren’t averse to a good speculate ourselves, and if you look behind the pictures, a pattern is starting to emerge.

1. Other than the widely circulated pictures of fans he bumped into on his visit, it emerged on Twitter yesterday (I know, I know, but it’s amazing how much useful stuff gets in to the public domain via that particular medium) that the man pictured with Mourinho is called Mark Foley.  Mr Foley is allegedly employed by Chelsea FC in a role which assists club staff in sourcing accommodation.

2. Chelsea TV showed a “Best of Jose” compilation last night.

3. The club yesterday announced that they would be touring the US next summer.  Jose’s pre-season tour of choice.

Coincidence?  Possibly. 

Today’s stories in the media have reported that Jose told fans on Tuesday that he wasn’t returning to Chelsea.  However, when Sir Percy Blakeney was quizzed as to whether he was Scarlet Pimpernel, he denied it.  Of course Jose isn’t going to cough up that sort of information.

This week’s events have further ramped up speculation as to where his Specialness will be plying his trade next season.  One thing pretty certain is that it’s unlikely to be Madrid.

Derek McGovern of the Mirror, a man whose “tips” are usually so wide of the market he really should be had up under the Trades Description Act, says William Hill are offering 3-1 for the Bridge to be Jose’s next stop.  For once, he might be on to something.

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There has been a lot of speculation (mainly in the press, although it hasn’t been exclusively limited to them) about the future of Carlo Ancelotti, and whether he is likely to see out the remaining year of his contract at Chelsea.

I’ll put my hands up here and say I’m ambivalent. One on the one hand, I like Carletto very much as a person.

On the other hand, however, I do worry about his seeming inability to take action to change the game; substitutions that have occurred too late or not at all, the lack of galvanisation of the players from the touchline.

I don’t want to see our favourite Fat Spanish Waiter take over the reins. I’m sure there are plenty of other managers who could get the best out of Fernando. Guus – that would be fantastic, yet I think we’re all basing our love for him on his splendidly successful interregnum after the howling wilderness that was the brief Scolari era.

There are no guarantees that Guus having a second go would produce a Premiership winning season or indeed the longed-for CL triumph.

Zola – better to leave us with our memories of a club legend. We don’t want them tarnished by a managerial failure.

Van Basten – unknown quantity, may bring attractive football, but no real track record.

There is however, one manager that I would not be happy to see return; Jose. Now I know that there are many people out there who would love to see him back, but there are good reasons against it.

Firstly, what our friends in Japan refer to as “face”. If Jose was to return to CFC, this would potentially give Roman a future disadvantage in business as he would then be seen to be someone who changes his mind. If you are a hardcore businessman, this is the worst possible thing you can do as it lays you open to accusations of weakness. Not something our beloved oligarch would wish to encourage.

Secondly, the style of football. The best memories we have of JM was in that first, honeymoon season of 2004-2005. When Robben and Duff were at their best; when JFH and Eidur were the most potent strike force in Britain, if not in Europe; when JT and Frank were in their early prime. After that, it was downhill, ending with the dreadful 1-1 draw against Rosenborg which marked the end of Jose’s tenure.

And thirdly, and perhaps the most important. Because when he left Chelsea, our club was in the gutter. We were up before the FA every month for failing to control our players (hence the joke that the FA were using us to help pay for Wembley because of the fines imposed), and we had a points deduction hanging over us for tapping up Ashley Cole.

No-one outside Stamford Bridge had a good word to say for us. Succeeding managers have managed to pull that round to the point where there is not the level of hate against us that there was between 2005-2007, and certainly not the level of bile directed against us by the media. I have said half-seriously that if JM returns I will give up my season ticket, but as UEFA will be throwing the book at him after last night, any club wanting to employ a manager who is serving a one-year European touchline ban.

Jose is like a tempestuous love affair. Totally involving whilst you’re in it, but once it’s over and you’re facing the cold light of day and raking over the ashes of what was, you start to wonder what you saw in him.

Rather as Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice viewed the departure of Wickham for the militia camp in Brighton, my feeling is also “I would not wish you back”.

So the special one returns to Stamford Bridge this evening, with fresh digs at Chelsea about how he wins the important games and Chelsea [since his departure] wins something. Nice, okay, but not everybody has been upended by the bluster and forgotten that we didn’t actually win the Champions League under Jose.

We often played appallingly in the group stages, particularly away from home, and came closer under the match maligned Avram Grant. Or the somewhat tame exits from the Carling Cup or the fact that he lost to Inter’s greatest rivals recently. Apart from that, no.

Of course many will be glad to see him back at Stamford Bridge, not least of all the press who will have news to report – Jose ate all the Custard Creams in one sitting, etc. – rather than creating news, and many fans too will be pleased (elated, ecstatic, some might say) to see him back. But just remember, fanboydom makes you blind.

Goes without saying that although he’s much loved, there’s a bit of needle involved in this match and the players will have a point to prove on the pitch. They’d do well to avoid the papers for a few days because if we win it’ll be Jose’s team, if we lose it’ll be Jose the master tactician.

We all have to hope that they get their heads down, get on with the job and, above all, are very patient. If the chances come our way, we must take them but at the same time we must defend well, better than we’ve needed to for a long time. We’ll need to be extra vigilant about the tactics of some of the Inter players, too.

Make no mistake, there will be cheating. Jose knows our history in this competition because he wrote part of it, which means he knows very well the frustration and poor decisions we’ve had to suffer. Don’t think for one moment he won’t use that to his advantage.

We have the away goal, but if Inter score just one we’ll need to score three to prevent extra time. We’re capable of doing that, particularly in the dying minutes of a game, but the pressure would be immense.

Inter don’t travel well, though, with just one win to their name away from home in the last two months, and only two wins from seven home and away. This generally is when Inter dip out of the Champions League, having done so for the last three seasons. Let’s hope that trend continues.

Injury woes continue at Chelsea and tonight we play with our third choice keeper in goal. Far from pointing out his weaknesses, I think the best we can do is wish Ross Turnbull all the very best for this evening, and look to the experience of the players around him to provide the support he’s going to need.

We’ve been here before though. Ambrosio in 2004, and it’s doubtful many will have forgotten Hilario being thrown into the fray against Barcelona after the Reading thugs battered two keepers in one match.

Carvalho returns from injury and is available, so it’s a toss-up between him and Alex, who’s performed well in his last two games, but if Carvalho is truly match fit we can expect him to get the nod for this one.

Fans and players alike will need to be extraordinarily patient, and though most of us would take two or three nil lead after a frenetic 20 minutes of play, how many of us could stand to watch us defend that lead for another 70 minutes? Indeed, none of us.

A match free from controversy and the obvious attentions of Uefa would be nice, but nicer still would be to send Jose home with his tail between his legs so we can get on with our own business, thank you very much.

It’s going to be painful to watch at times. It’s going to be a long match. It’s going to be 3-1 to Chelsea.

Internazionale will travel to Stamford Bridge in just under three weeks with a 2-1 lead to preserve, having defeated Chelsea at the San Siro.

Diego Milito and Esteban Cambiasso scored for Jose Mourinho’s side, whilst Salomon Kalou scored for Chelsea. The Blues also lost Petr Cech to a serious looking injury in the second half.

Florent Malouda was preferred to Juliano Belletti at left back for Chelsea, which mean that Kalou was drafted into the starting line up in Malouda’s usual attacking midfield position.

However, it was Inter that took the lead in just the third minute, Milito drilling home with the first shot of the match. Looking to hit back, Didier Drogba crashed a long range free kick against the bar.

Chelsea should have been awarded a penalty in the last minute of the first half though, when Walter Samuel clearly fouled Kalou who was in on goal. Instead, the referee waived play on and Samuel escaped a red card.

It was Kalou though who equalised, early in the second half. A storming run from Branislav Ivanovic ended with Kalou curling a beautiful finish from outside the area into the far corner. Julio Cesar might have done better, but the placement was perfect from the Ivorian.

Once more, Inter went ahead again in three minutes. Cambiasso’s first shot was blocked by Ivanovic but the Argentine crashed the rebound past Cech to give Inter the lead.

Soon after, the Chelsea keeper picked up a serious looking injury, having caught a cross unchallenged. He immediately signalled to the bench to be subbed and was unable to walk from the field, even assisted.

Hilario was his replacement and could well have a big role to play in the near future, particularly in the return leg with the tie evenly poised at 2-1.

The last 16 of the UEFA Champions League has thrown up an all star clash with Chelsea drawn against Italian giants Internazionale.

More obviously, Carlo Ancelotti, formerly of AC Milan, clashes with former Chelsea coach and favourite, Jose Mourinho in one of the most eagerly anticipated matches in years. The San Siro is the venue for the first leg.

The war of words has started, with Mourinho commenting that the club has gone backwards since he departed and that the players are all but the same as the ones he brought in. Whilst there is an element of truth to this, the pre match bullying tactic is more than familiar.

Injuries have thrown up a problem at left back for Chelsea, with both Ashley Cole and his deputy Yuri Zhirkov out indefinitely through injury.

Paulo Ferreira played there in the second half of the win at Wolves, but he isn’t in Chelsea’s Champions League squad and thus misses out. Ancelotti has named the popular Juliano Belletti as the most likely left back, though Florent Malouda is also an option.

Inter are on top of Serie A and at such a canter that Mourinho is rumoured to be bored with Italian football and seeking a move to somewhere more lively in the summer.

Samuel Eto’o, so often a nemesis for Chelsea whilst at Barcelona, is now at Inter, whilst Wesley Sneijder and former Portsmouth midfielder Sully Muntari will play in midfield.

Ladbrokes have installed Internazionale as slight favourites at 13/8, compared to Chelsea at 9/5. The draw too is favourable, paying 21/10.