Boys Will Be Boys, Girls Will Be….?

As TheChels’ token female features writer, I think it only right and proper that I should have my say on Linogate©. (I am claiming the copyright as I don’t think anyone else has used it yet).

I’ll start by saying I liked the editor’s suggestion that Richard Keys should be waxed to death. That should inflict sufficient pain as to teach him a proper lesson.

Now; ‘Banter’ – It’s a word that can hide a multitude of sins. So much abuse that can be hidden under a simple two syllable word.

Want to suggest that Sol Campbell is a homosexual with AIDS? It’s only banter! Want to sing a song about Spurs being on their way to Auschwitz? Don’t worry, you’re at the game, it’s acceptable COS IT’S ONLY BANTER!!!

There’s a wonderful scene in the film Notting Hill where film star Anna Scott is having dinner with impoverished book seller William Thacker. At the next table they overhear a conversation between some typical City (as in “of London” rather than “Manchester”) boys which basically implies Anna is a porn star.

William gets all noble, challenges them and is laughed down. He and Anna go to walk out of the restaurant, yet Anna decides to go back and says to the cretins, who immediately recognise her; “I’m sure you meant no harm, and I’m sure it was just friendly, banter and I’m sure your dicks are all the size of peanuts.”

Ironically, the scandal has probably done Britain a huge favour. Speaking as an ugly woman approaching middle age, it is unacceptable in this day and age that women should be judged on their looks and youth rather than their intelligence and ability. Hopefully this will not only lead to a cleansing of Murdoch’s Augean stable – not just the football presenting team, but also Soccer AM.

The “Soccerette” feature, which appears to feature bimbos with little real interest in football who appear hell bent on a career as what Our Aveline in the TV show Bread used to call “a mogle” is another dinosaur thrashing around. That item should have been dropped with the departure of everyone’s least favourite celebrity Chelsea fan (tied with David Mellor), Tim Lovejoy.

What Linogate should herald is a final realisation amongst men and women (because that moron-fest Loose Women does it too, although to be fair that’s got an audience with an IQ of about 3, and it’s not in effect our national football broadcaster) that it’s not banter, it’s sexist crap.

If Keys and Gray had denigrated a match official due to their colour, they would have been sacked on Sunday. That it took till Tuesday for at least one of them to lose their job was a sad comment that women in football remain unequal.

Also, for Sian Massey to have been removed from the match she was supposed to officiate at last night was a disgrace. I understand why it was done, but I really hope that this is not going to overshadow the career of a match official whose competence appears staggering compared to some of the muppets appearing at a ground near you who just happen to be male.

Finally, although I threatened that I would accompany my article with a topless picture of me as an ironic joke, I have desisted on the grounds that the Great British Public simply aren’t ready for the Laudrups, as they are known to their friends.

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