We interrupt our normal service of light-hearted travel reminiscence and assorted ramblings for a more serious look at matters at the Bridge.
Even Stevie Wonder could see that the defeat against Wolves probably marked a 10-year low point in our history. Certainly there has been no such air of uncertainty about the future since the 2002/2003 season, the last of the Ken Bates regime, when Claudio Ranieri was hamstrung in the transfer market and we were a defeat against Liverpool away from probably hitting the wall.
There are however steps I believe that Carlo can take now to mitigate the undoubted problems that are besetting the team.
1. Pack Drogba off to his beloved Marseille on a free transfer.
I see a lot of my own character in Drogba. We were born on the same day (he wears No. 11 for a reason), albeit in different years, and I understand his ultra-sensitivity, wanting to be loved, wanting to be the centre of attention and general drama-queenyness like I do my own.
However, there comes a point when the egotism of a star player has to come secondary to the interests of the team. I strongly suspect that cliques are developing within the dressing room and Drogba is leading a number of other players astray. If my suspicions are correct, there is only one way to terminate the problem. Taxi to Heathrow, flight to Marseille.
2. Drop Boswinga like doggy doo off a shovel.
Great going forward. An absolute nightmare going back. Ivan to take over as right back and Jeffrey Bruma, so assured against Villa, steps in at centre-half till Alex returns.
3. Tell Essien he’s in the last chance saloon and if he doesn’t improve he’ll be off at the end of the season. A ridiculous self-inflicted sending off against Fulham, gave away free kick against Villa, general poor performance this season. We can’t afford passengers anymore. Nuff said.
4. Have more faith in youth. I would rather see five years of kids who want to play for CFC than ageing mercenaries. I’d certainly rather see us win nothing with the former than the latter. And if the glory-hunters amongst the fans don’t like it, they can go and buy tickets for Spurs.
5. Have a meeting with Ron Gourlay and Eugene Tenembaum in which he politely but firmly asks to have Michael Emmelano removed from the first team coaching staff, a position which he is not qualified to fill, and replaces him with an assistant of his own choosing. It is important that he has complete confidence in his assistant, and that his assistant is not simply a “plant” by the board.
It’s worth remembering that at this point, Carlo does have the dual trump card of his European experience (winner as both player and manager), and notwithstanding the scary prospect of Benitez washing up in SW6 – although rumours abound he has re-enrolled his mini-dippers in a school in scouseland – there are no viable candidates currently available to take on the job.
At best he gets the assistant of his choosing. At worst, he’s either a lame-duck manager who could f*** CFC over big-time by failing in Europe and the league, or he’s sacked with an enormous compensation package.
One final point – although I would admit to not being a happy baby just now, quite frankly we’ve been spoiled over the past 15 years and now is the time for the real fans amongst us to stand up and be counted, even if we don’t like what we’re currently seeing.