Date: Friday 18th May 2011
Time: 4:37pm
Location: London Flat
“Wake up Fernando!” shouts his beautiful girlfriend, as Torres curls his head underneath a Liverpool themed pillow.
“I no wanna work today.”
“Why baby?”
“De goal iz too small.”
“There are the same size as they were at Anfield baby.”
“NO. Chelsea goals erl smaller. Why else wouldz’ you explain me not being able to score goal?”
“Your just going through a slump.”
“Que?”
“A slump, every player does”
“No, no slump far me. I am so certain I will score goal soon I am going to place entire weeks wages on first goal at Everton.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit risky baby?”
“WHY!? You no think I will not score!?”
“Yes of course, but what if Drogba gets one fir…”
“DROGBA!?” Torres erupts.
“DID YOU JUS SAY HID NAME!?”
“No…I…”
“YOU NO THE RULES. YOU NO USE EL D WORD IN ZEE HOUSE!”
“I’m sorry I..”
“Get out. I shall call you after I score a sensational hat-treek at Everton, Chau.”
With that, Torres erupts in fury and kicks his girlfriend out of his plush London flat. He walks over to his Mac where he checks the odds for him to score a hat-trick at Everton on Paddy Power.
“2400/1?” he smiles, “zat is great oddz.”
He signs up and places £175,000 on himself to grab a hat-trick at Goodison.
“Haha, I wheel be nearly as rich as Roe Roe. Hopefully no picturez will appear in ze Sun.”