Well, that wasn’t too bad. Thanks to the World Cup and an early pre-season opportunity to watch the boys in blue, compared to other years the close season has positively fled. And that can only mean one thing. TheChels.Net’s resident Old Crone, Gypsy Rose Baby, looks into her crystal ball to predict the future and also looks back to last year’s predictions.
Arsenal
The spreadsheetists and latteistas have been bigging up their first trophy in 9 years as expected. However, Cesc knows. You can’t fail to win a trophy in 9 years and then win the FA Cup and call yourselves a big club. In the League this season, expect the usual hard fight to finish 4th and an open-top bus tour to celebrate
Last Season’s Place:4th
Last Season’s Prediction: 4th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 4th
Aston Villa
The Filth have been up for sale for over six months. There have been no takers. The American owner has lost interest. Roy Keane has been appointed assistant manager, undoubtedly putting pressure on Paul Lambert. Lambert will be lucky to see Christmas. Villa will be lucky to avoid relegation.
Last Season’s Prediction: 13th.
Last Season’s Place: 15th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 19th
Burnley
Unluckily for Burnley, they’ll kick off their Premier League campaign against Chelsea. This’ll set them up nicely for a long-season of struggle. They’ll pull off the odd shock result, but Squeaky Bum Time may see them haul themselves to safety.
Last Season’s Prediction: N/A
Last Season’s Place: 2nd (Championship)
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 17th
Crystal Palace
Whilst the defeat at Selhurst was galling last season, the Stripey Nigels unexpectedly found a warm place in my heart at least. The installation of inspirational boss Tony Pullis, together with the phenomenal atmosphere their “Ultras” create, led to an extremely respectable final placing, and I’d expect of more the same this time out.
Last Season’s Prediction: 20th
Last Season’s Place: 11th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 8th
Everton
Well, well. Whoever would have guessed this time last year that not only would Everton finish two places above Manchester Utd, but that David Moyes would fail to make it to the end of the season? Roberto Martinez has attained demi-god status, and a similar finish is likely this time out. However, you get the feeling it may not be long before a more monied suitor appears to whisk him away.
Last Season’s Prediction: 9th
Last Season’s Place: 5th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 5th
Hull
One of last season’s highlights was the FA refusing to countenance a change in name for the Humbersiders. This season, expect amiable manager Steve Bruce to continue to keep them afloat in the Premier League, with a possible charge in one of the cup competitions.
Last Season’s Prediction: 19th
Last Season’s Place: 16th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 16th
Leicester City
A welcome return for what should be a pleasant away trip to the East Midlands. Runaway winners of last season’s Championship, they’re the promoted team most likely to survive.
Last Season’s Prediction: N/A
Last Season’s Place: 1st in Championship
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 15th
Liverpool
After last season’s third place finish, the Scousers are already expecting a first League title in over 20 years. However, with their best player sold, many of Brendan Rodgers’ tactics having been found out, and their skipper looking a broken man, expect them to slip back towards the obscurity they truly deserve.
Last Season’s Prediction: 8th
Last Season’s Place: 3rd
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 7th
Manchester City
The suave and charming Pellegrini led the Light Blues to the title last season in a year when their rivals repeatedly contrived to shoot themselves in the foot. However, in 2014/2015 their traditional neighbours will present more of a challenge, and with Jose Mourinho having got his Chelsea squad as he wants it, fewer slip-ups are likely.
Last Season’s Prediction: 2nd
Last Season’s Place: 1st
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 2nd
Man Utd
Last season this column predicted “It’s unlikely David Moyes will turn out to be another Wilf McGuinness”. Unfortunately for the Mancunians that’s pretty well what he turned out to be. The OT hierarchy have turned to the experienced Louis Van Gaal, but already in pre-season there are rumours that he’s alienating the “suits” with his criticism of the club’s tour of the US. He’s also wasted no time in putting outrageously expensive new left-back Luke Shaw firmly in his place. In an era of player-power, my money’s on the men wearing the kit, not the man in the dug-out. Expect a higher league placing this season, but it may be another bumpy ride. Enjoy.
Last Season’s Prediction: 3rd
Last Season’s Place: 7th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 3rd
Newcastle
Alan Pardew continues at St James Park in possession of football’s most ridiculous (8 years) contract. Newky probably can’t afford to sack him, no matter how badly they perform. Mid-table mediocrity beckons again.
Last Season’s Prediction: 18th
Last Season’s Place: 10th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 12th
QPR
And they’re back again. If Fulham fulfil the role of cuddly little brother, the Spaghetti Hoops are the Ugly Sister. And this time, they come complete with an Ugly Brother, the wonky-lipped, camel-faced, self-styled King of the Merks, Rio Ferdinand. Having bluffed his way out of the Championship via the playoff, Harry Redknapp will fancy a final hurrah before he suffers that stroke that’s been in the post for years. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only Chelsea fan hoping that it all ends in tears.
Last Season’s Prediction: N/A
Last Season’s Place: 4th in Championship, play-off winnerse
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 20th
Southampton
Poor Saints. Boardroom upheaval saw Pochettino depart to Spuds, and the summer has seen the cream of their talent depart too. This is a car crash in motion, with the owners appearing to asset-strip prior to selling the club. Get your bees and honey on them making the drop now.
Last Season’s Prediction: 14th
Last Season’s Place: 8th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 19th
Stoke
Under Mark Hughes, Stoke are now a solid mid-table outfit and you wouldn’t expect that to change this time out.
Last Season’s Prediction: 10th
Last Season’s Place: 9th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 9th
Sunderland
Mad Paolo’s foreseeable combustion last season saw him replaced by voluble Uruguayan and noted cock-kisser, Gus “Judas” Poyet. Expect them to consolidate and finish mid-table.
Last Season’s Prediction: 15th
Last Season’s Place: 14th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 10th
Swansea
It was disappointing to see Michael Laudrup depart the Liberty Stadium last season under a welter of in-fighting, and their league performance dropped off under the stewardship of local hero Gary Monk. Plus ca change…
Last Season’s Prediction: 7th
Last Season’s Place: 12th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 11th
Tottenham
Spuds failed to invest the Bale money on adequate replacements and the managerial ineptitude of AVB and the seemingly out-to-lunch Tim Sherwood resulted in their usual Europa League place. They’d be rash to expect anything else this time.
Last Season’s Prediction: 5th
Last Season’s Place: 6th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 6th
West Brom
Last year we wrote “Hopefully this will turn out to be a season when a visit to the Hawthorns doesn’t end in our manager getting the sack”. That turned out to be accurate, and last season we actually got a point. We threw all our eggs in the Steve Clark basket, and were disappointed. At least their relegation fight made Old Mother Baby happy.
Last Season’s Prediction: 6th – our biggest fail
Last Season’s Place: 17th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 14th
West Ham
The season hasn’t even started yet and already Big Sam resembles a SMERSH operative sitting on a chair that hides a fiery pit. The way things are going, he may even fail to make the end of September.
Last Season’s Prediction: 10th
Last Season’s Place: 13th
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 13th
Last seasons’s relegated teams:
Norwich
We said: 12th
They finished: 18th
What we’ll miss: cracking away day
What we won’t miss: problems getting there by train
Fulham
We said: 11th
They finished: 19th
What we’ll miss: local little brothers
What we won’t miss: the traipse across Bishops Park
Cardiff
We said: 17th
They finished: 20th
What we’ll miss: Passionate local fans – unanimously voted PL’s best away day last year.
What we won’t miss: on a personal level, memories of the aftermath of the League Cup Final in 2007.
And finally…
Chelsea
Into the second year of the Second Coming of the Special One, and whilst there is no doubt 99% of the support will always love him, the vultures in the press at least will start to circle if silverware isn’t delivered. His Gorgeousness has sold outrageously and bought well. Expect a serious challenge on all fronts, and hopefully the happiest of endings in Berlin on 6th July. Come on, we all know what happened the last time a Champions League Final was played in Germany…
Last Season’s Prediction: 1st
Last Season’s Place: 3rd
Gypsy Rose Baby’s Prediction: 1st
CST News
Don’t forget the Chelsea Supporters Trust AGM takes place on Saturday. You can attend in person if you are a full voting member, or if you can’t get there the meeting will be broadcast live on Mixlr. Visit the CST website for more details. We’ll be reporting back from the meeting next week, but in the meantime you can follow me on Twitter @BlueBaby67.